Painfully British Haikus

by Dale Shaw

This Christmas give them,
The PERFECT stocking filler,
Sure to make them laugh.

The Sellotape end
Unlocatable it seems
Christmas is cancelled

How many gin tins
Is decreed appropriate
For this train journey?

The sound of a splash
My Hobnob falls to pieces
My tea is sullied

Every houseplant
Suffers a slow painful death
I am a monster

You’re at the seaside
A seagull eyes your Magnum
You won’t win that fight

Enjoy this hilarious collection of over 200 haikus that sum up the complex, confusing and often compounding character of the British people – a great stocking filler or secret santa gift!